Scales are stupid, the media is killing us, here- listen to Tori Amos and cook chicken.

I have to start by making sure that everyone reading this understands that this blog is recording real life. I have in no way shape or form figured "it" out yet and a lot of what I write is a way to help me work out my own thoughts and struggles. I do this publicly because I fully believe someone will benefit or at least be left feeling less alone than before. That being said, I am pretty discouraged today.
I have actually gained weight in the past weeks. I lost some from juicing and then gained a little back which is to be expected, but I am still gaining. I know I know, muscle ways more than fat and blah diddy blah, but my clothes aren't fitting differently and I don't look any different either. I have been eating completely whole and 99% Paleo friendly as well as exercising 3 to 4 times a week. I want so much for this not to be about weight, because I really do want to be healthy, but it would seem losing some weight should be a delightful symptom of such huge lifestyle changes.
This is par for the course in my life. Even when I was exercising vigorously and eating low calorie and in the best shape I have ever been in as far as endurance and strength, I still was not losing weight. I don't get it and frankly it sort of pisses me off. There is no medical issue, nothing I can blame it on. And it isn't even that I am super unhappy with my weight I just don't understand WHY it seems an impossibility to actually drop pounds unless I am actively involved in an eating disorder.
I have read the research and I feel like I am honestly doing everything right.
"What is it that your want Brooks?" is what you may be asking yourself, in your head, right now. Lets talk about ideals. Bare with me while I sort this out for myself, as well as you. I tend to live predominantly in a sort of purgatory where body positivity and unrealistic goals are constantly at war with each other. For instance, I try to encourage myself with things like this:

I follow body positive Instagramers as well as seeking this sort of imagery when I am pooping around online. I feel like ANY sort of body positive imagery be it fat, skinny, black, white, handicapped or disfigured people, is such a far cry from what we see all day everyday in advertisement and really important in helping to keep me grounded. I love that there is even a small percentage of people who are so honestly and unapologetically comfortable in their own skin. I am in awe of them, actually. I wonder how it is that they have managed to make it through life thus far without allowing the world to tell them who they are is not enough. Furthermore, how do I teach my OWN daughter that when I can't even figure it out? I do all that I can to tell her she is enough, beautiful, funny, smart, creative and created in the image of God. I consciously keep my mouth shut about my own issues around her because I know first hand the effects of that. I talk about health and not "diet", strong and not skinny, but I would be lying if I said I believed that was enough to keep her out of the mess I have spent so much of my life in.
The reality is that I can seek out body positive stuff all day long, but as soon as I turn on the TV or drive down the highway or stand in line at the grocery store or go to the gym, this is what surrounds me:

Clothes for real Americans.

They love their bodies. I can't imagine why.

Forget the image, lets just talk about the fact that my 9 year old, who can read, sees this anytime we are at a store.

"Real" Housewives. Right.

Clearly we all "know" what NONSENSE this is and how it in NO WAY actually represents reality. However, it is all we see. Worse than that, it is what our children see. Your sons see what their future wives should look like and your daughters see who they should become physically. Think I may be exaggerating? Take a trip back in time with me real quick so I can give you some visuals as to what our little girls are being sold. I took a moment to create side by side imaging of original versions of toys/characters vs current ones:

Regular Lego/Girls Only Lego

Original My Little Pony Cartoon/Current

Original Candyland Princess/Current

As if Barbie wasn't bad enough- Original/Bratz/Monster High

Original Strawberry Shortcake/Current

Tell me I am crazy. These FEW examples barely scratch the surface of not only the inaccurate representation of what it means to be a woman or female in general but also, (especially with the Lego), the widening gender gap pushed on our kids.
I feel like I am really far off the topic of being pissed at my scale numbers at this point, and much more pissed at the fact that I am pissed at my scale numbers because I am so aware of their insignificance. I have not had a thigh gap since I was a fetus. My hips are wide. I have carried and bore two healthy children leaving my stomach scarred and stretchy. My boobs were at one point swollen with milk and fed little bodies leaving them soft and low. THIS HAS GOT TO BE OKAY. THIS IS WHAT I AM PHYSICALLY AND IT HAS TO BE OKAY. It has to be MORE than okay. I do not want to just tolerate my body, I want to be proud of it, all it is and all it isn't. And more that ANYTHING in the WHOLE world, I want my little girl to be proud of her own body as an extension of her mind and her soul and her REAL self.
Clearly I'm preaching to myself to here people, I hope someone else is hearing it. Really hearing it.

PS. I realize these thoughts are scattered and that was an abrupt ending so please go listen to this amazing song that is in no way affiliated with anything I just said but I love it and Tori Amos is awesome so enjoy.

PSS. Lets make this as random as possible by adding a recipe plug! Best wings ever- recipe could also be used on larger pieces of chicken. Check out the recipe here.