Scales are stupid, the media is killing us, here- listen to Tori Amos and cook chicken.

I have to start by making sure that everyone reading this understands that this blog is recording real life. I have in no way shape or form figured "it" out yet and a lot of what I write is a way to help me work out my own thoughts and struggles. I do this publicly because I fully believe someone will benefit or at least be left feeling less alone than before. That being said, I am pretty discouraged today.
I have actually gained weight in the past weeks. I lost some from juicing and then gained a little back which is to be expected, but I am still gaining. I know I know, muscle ways more than fat and blah diddy blah, but my clothes aren't fitting differently and I don't look any different either. I have been eating completely whole and 99% Paleo friendly as well as exercising 3 to 4 times a week. I want so much for this not to be about weight, because I really do want to be healthy, but it would seem losing some weight should be a delightful symptom of such huge lifestyle changes.
This is par for the course in my life. Even when I was exercising vigorously and eating low calorie and in the best shape I have ever been in as far as endurance and strength, I still was not losing weight. I don't get it and frankly it sort of pisses me off. There is no medical issue, nothing I can blame it on. And it isn't even that I am super unhappy with my weight I just don't understand WHY it seems an impossibility to actually drop pounds unless I am actively involved in an eating disorder.
I have read the research and I feel like I am honestly doing everything right.
"What is it that your want Brooks?" is what you may be asking yourself, in your head, right now. Lets talk about ideals. Bare with me while I sort this out for myself, as well as you. I tend to live predominantly in a sort of purgatory where body positivity and unrealistic goals are constantly at war with each other. For instance, I try to encourage myself with things like this:

I follow body positive Instagramers as well as seeking this sort of imagery when I am pooping around online. I feel like ANY sort of body positive imagery be it fat, skinny, black, white, handicapped or disfigured people, is such a far cry from what we see all day everyday in advertisement and really important in helping to keep me grounded. I love that there is even a small percentage of people who are so honestly and unapologetically comfortable in their own skin. I am in awe of them, actually. I wonder how it is that they have managed to make it through life thus far without allowing the world to tell them who they are is not enough. Furthermore, how do I teach my OWN daughter that when I can't even figure it out? I do all that I can to tell her she is enough, beautiful, funny, smart, creative and created in the image of God. I consciously keep my mouth shut about my own issues around her because I know first hand the effects of that. I talk about health and not "diet", strong and not skinny, but I would be lying if I said I believed that was enough to keep her out of the mess I have spent so much of my life in.
The reality is that I can seek out body positive stuff all day long, but as soon as I turn on the TV or drive down the highway or stand in line at the grocery store or go to the gym, this is what surrounds me:

Clothes for real Americans.

They love their bodies. I can't imagine why.

Forget the image, lets just talk about the fact that my 9 year old, who can read, sees this anytime we are at a store.

"Real" Housewives. Right.

Clearly we all "know" what NONSENSE this is and how it in NO WAY actually represents reality. However, it is all we see. Worse than that, it is what our children see. Your sons see what their future wives should look like and your daughters see who they should become physically. Think I may be exaggerating? Take a trip back in time with me real quick so I can give you some visuals as to what our little girls are being sold. I took a moment to create side by side imaging of original versions of toys/characters vs current ones:

Regular Lego/Girls Only Lego

Original My Little Pony Cartoon/Current

Original Candyland Princess/Current

As if Barbie wasn't bad enough- Original/Bratz/Monster High

Original Strawberry Shortcake/Current

Tell me I am crazy. These FEW examples barely scratch the surface of not only the inaccurate representation of what it means to be a woman or female in general but also, (especially with the Lego), the widening gender gap pushed on our kids.
I feel like I am really far off the topic of being pissed at my scale numbers at this point, and much more pissed at the fact that I am pissed at my scale numbers because I am so aware of their insignificance. I have not had a thigh gap since I was a fetus. My hips are wide. I have carried and bore two healthy children leaving my stomach scarred and stretchy. My boobs were at one point swollen with milk and fed little bodies leaving them soft and low. THIS HAS GOT TO BE OKAY. THIS IS WHAT I AM PHYSICALLY AND IT HAS TO BE OKAY. It has to be MORE than okay. I do not want to just tolerate my body, I want to be proud of it, all it is and all it isn't. And more that ANYTHING in the WHOLE world, I want my little girl to be proud of her own body as an extension of her mind and her soul and her REAL self.
Clearly I'm preaching to myself to here people, I hope someone else is hearing it. Really hearing it.

PS. I realize these thoughts are scattered and that was an abrupt ending so please go listen to this amazing song that is in no way affiliated with anything I just said but I love it and Tori Amos is awesome so enjoy.

PSS. Lets make this as random as possible by adding a recipe plug! Best wings ever- recipe could also be used on larger pieces of chicken. Check out the recipe here.

Click Here For Bacon.

Keepin it short today but wanted to share an awesome dinner idea! Tonight I made Bacon Wrapped Chicken with Maple Parsnips and both were delicious. The smallest child was not a fan of the parsnips which is beyond me because they are cooked in coconut oil and syrup. (RIGHT!) However the meaty entree was a hit all around.
You can get the recipe for the chicken here. It isn't totally Paleo as it uses brown sugar, but it IS totally good and worth the little cheat. I cut the chili powder in half so my kids wouldn't complain, and I was short on bacon so a few of them cooked sans pork and still turned out super yummy.
The maple parsnips are here. I had never had parsnips but they were a lot like a mild carrot and once you cook them in all that coconut and maple they pretty much taste like dessert.
Both of these recipes are super good, however I wouldn't pair them again based on the fact that they are both pretty sweet. I will definitely make both again but pair each with something much more savory.

I also made what turned out to be a really good gluten free, dairy free, vegan friendly "bread/cake". I felt certain while I made it that my kids would not be fooled but was pleasantly surprised when they both moaned about how delicious it was and asked if they could PLEASE take some in their lunch tomorrow! The coconut flour and lack of "real sugar" certainly makes it apparent that it is not the kind of cake I grew up eating. BUT, it is really flavorful, moist and will fill any carb/bread craving you have. If you would like to make it check out the recipe here. The website you will be linked to has a TON of really good recipes like the Cranberry Orange Loaf I just told you about.

I used a LOT of coconut oil tonight and it never occurred to me to check the nutrition label. ACK! It is really high in fat. I know that it is good fat and I get the science behind Paleo and yada yada but it freaked me out to see 14g of fat in TWO tablespoons after I used like 10. Changing your eating habits is hard but changing your MIND about what is good for you is even harder. I needed to remind myself about the science behind Paleo so I went here. I suppose I will just keep reading stuff like this till it is as ingrained in me as my backwards idea of health.

Other than that I have been feeling really good!! My mood has actually been better than usual which I really have to credit to my clean diet and (more importantly) the continued prayer and support from my family and friends and a God who sees my beginning from end and is faithful! I haven't lost more weight but I am trying not to think about it. I have been going to the gym 4 or 5 days a week and really enjoying my workouts for the most part. I think I figured out what to eat to maintain my energy during exercise so that is a huge relief. I am proud of all that I have worked to accomplish for myself and my family so far this year and I have really high hopes for the rest of 2014, which is both exciting and scary. I am definitely not a "aim for the stars" type so aiming for the stars is really intimidating. Plus, school starts in a week and I know that will disrupt my new routine in a major way. I plan on being as intentional as possible in food and exercise and time management, but I know a full class load will certainly manage to rain on that parade a little. Ah well, hope for the best prepare for the worst? I suppose that really isn't hope at all but it seems fitting.

In Regards To My Blatancy.

I realize that last post was a little on the heavy side, sorry if I scared you, I can't help but be me and sometimes me is a lot. I think many people have a hard time figuring out what to do with me. Making friends hasn't come naturally to me in my adult life, which is really funny from where I am standing because myself as well as people who do know me know that I am nice to the core. Perhaps too nice sometimes. I love people, I love learning all about them (my inner Freud), I genuinely want to hear your story and process it and come back and help you pick apart things. This is of course why I am studying psychology, but it really is just what I LOVE. However, I suppose to a lot of people I probably look a little intimidating. I have a mohawk and face metal and quite a few tattoos. I am pretty into clothes and fashion so I am generally pretty well put together in my own eccentric way. I have also been told that I have a "bitch" face. 'Scuse my french but it is what it is. It is the face of "Don't talk to me", even though that is NEVER what I am thinking....well maybe sometimes but not often. I have had employers get frustrated with me because I don't look cheerful enough. Apparently my normal, taking it all in face, looks evil and scary.
I guess all of these things together leave people at a loss as to how to approach or communicate with me. I find this is especially true for people who are less "out there" than myself. You know, the blue jean, Old Navy T wearing, sports watching, Olive Garden dining kind of folks. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with any of those things, Olive Garden has the best salad ever, but that person is on the surface very different from what I am on the surface and it is those sorts of people who I assume feel the most at a loss when trying to converse with me. I feel like there is all sorts of awkward pauses and then I say something meant to be funny and they don't get it which just makes them think I am even weirder then they thought followed by more silence and then some comment about the weather. This sort of thing happens to me OFTEN. I cannot tell you how many people who become acquaintances or friends tell me later on how intimidated they were by my presence or how mean they expected me to be.
Couple ALL OF THAT with the fact that when you DO finally have a conversation with me I am transparent to a fault. I just don't have a good small talk gene I guess. I like roots. I like people stripped down to the bone so I can really see all the good and bad, and expose those things about myself as well. I feel like that is how you REALLY connect and REALLY grow both within yourself and in relationships. I don't have trust issues. Nothing about my life is a secret. Mostly. I mean, clearly there are some things, usually whatever may be a current issue, that I don't wanna verbally spew all over you because I am still figuring it out myself, but everything else IS WHAT IT IS. My truth is my testimony and as graphic and weird and frustrating and embarrassing as it may be, it is what God has used to make me who I am today and generally speaking I am pretty proud of that person.
So look, I need you to not be scared of me. I respect your trust issues and the fact that you don't want to tell me the most traumatic thing you have ever experienced during a meet and greet. I get that maybe you don't care about my story, and that is okay too, (we won't ever be really great friends and I think you should really consider what you DO care about in your relationships with people if it isn't roots), but I am not judging your disinterest. I just need you to know that I don't need to trust you to tell you all the awesome things God has shown me and done in my life because I trust God and the fact that regardless of whether or not I come off as too open or too raw or scary or whatever, he is totally gonna use all of that for SOMEONES redemption.
Myself, my metal, my tattoos and my mohawk are really very nice people. We like what we like and that may seem abnormal to you but it is to no ones benefit to assume anything about us based on a visual. I work really hard not to assume you and your artificial blonde hair and Old Navy T-shirt aren't boring and stuck up and sometimes it is really hard, so I get that the opposite is too. I am rambling now but my point is:

LESS OF THIS

MUCH MUCH MORE OF THIS

You are welcome for the most awesome visual possible by the way, I am pretty much a master graphic artist now. 

Before I go I have to share with you that my "Made From Carcass Soup" mentioned here, should actually be called "Throw In Leftovers of Any Variety and Enjoy" soup. I discovered that you can pretty much take any leftover meat or cooked veggie about to disintegrate in its Tupperware, throw it in the soup,heat it up and it becomes even more delicious than it was prior. Not only have I done this with cauliflower rice and Greek meatballs, but today I threw in leftover beef/bacon/fat awesomeness along with a baked sweet potato and it was RIDICULOUS how yummy it was. We were also blessed enough to get to pick some fresh oranges for free at a friends yesterday and they are SO good. I cannot understand why there are starving people anywhere when fruit trees produce more than any family could possibly harvest or eat. The hungry need to come to Lakeside CA with a garbage bag and collect oranges. I am for real, based on produce trees alone there is NO reason for people to not be eating. Anyhow, here is my soup in all its glory as well as the BEST WORSHIP SONG EVER. Happy Sunday! 

Spendin Money, Cookin Treats, Being Awesome.

Well I went grocery shopping. We now have lots of healthy food items but not so much money. I went pretty far over my budget, (which is already RIDICULOUS living in the state of California). I would prefer not to discuss how much money I actually spent, but I will say that my budget for 2 weeks of groceries is $250. This is usually what I spend give or take a little, and that is shopping sales and ads. If you are really curious about the cost of this grocery trip take into account the fact that the $250 has previously been spent on Walmart brand everything. I am sure if you have ever walked in a whole foods store you can approximate close to how far over budget I went, especially because I had to replace staple stuff. I had to buy almond flour, coconut flour, spices, coconut oil, coconut aminos (a product of which I had no idea what it was till I miraculously found it among the oils), bulk raw almonds and other nuts ect ect. Look I even have ghee, (another product of which I had little to no understanding as to what it was or why I needed it)! I am pretty much totally alternative now. On the fringe.

Not only did I go over budget, it also took me about 5 hours to get it all done. I went to four different stores to get all the things I needed. Trader Joes was first, then Sprouts Farmers Market (they had what Joes didn't plus cheaper produce), followed by Costco to get some meat (and a $12 bag of pork jerky that is the most delicious dehydrated treat I have EVER had), and finally Target which was really for bathroom crap but I grabbed some odds and ends. I literally shopped the entire time my kids were in school. It was awful and I am really hoping now that I have a feel for who has what and where it is located next time won't feel so much like a marathon. Anyways, I got it done like a boss. A money spending boss. I didn't cook yesterday because I was tired of looking at food, but today I made two new things!
First I undertook the Raw Carrot Cake Balls. Carrot Cake is my second favorite dessert of all time and the idea of a health AND raw version was super exciting. I have never been a baker/dessert maker type but the recipe was easy and because they were raw I didn't have to turn on my oven in these disgusting and unnatural California winter temperatures, (85 today. It's January.). They called for Medjool dates, which I had purchased and tried in process of making the carrot balls. OMG its like eating nature candy. Seriously, they are pecan pie without pie or pecans. I could have eaten the whole tub of them, but I didn't. If I had I may have gone into a sugar coma because they are like 27grams per 2!!! I only have a mini food processor which made it not as easy because I couldn't just dump everything in, I had to do a little at a time and then hand mix. I know, rough life. They turned out really yummy. The kids were asking for them after dinner and preferred them over ginger cookies we have left from Christmas!

You can find the recipe here. Next time I would cut the almonds in half, add more dates and cinnamon, but that is my taste. It was super duper easy and a great little grab and go snack.
I also ventured into the world of made from scratch soup. My mom recently made some chicken soup and said it was the most delicious thing she has ever concocted so I figured I better follow suit. I got a rotisserie chicken from Costco, (I know I know not organic but freaking delicious and cheap as crap), took the meat off and boiled the carcass (SUCH a better word than bones) for awhile. After it had been simmering for over an hour I let it sit, mostly because I had to take my tiny child for a root canal and crown because her teeth are made of dust and we can't make them stop disintegration to save our lives, or our bank accounts. I digress. So when I got home I cut up carrots, onions, celery and kale and after straining the broth dumped it back in with all the chicken meat. I let that cook for about 30min, added some salt, pepper, poultry and Italian seasoning and bowled up. It was pretty good. I am not a huge soup person, but in the way of chicken soups that are broth based it was the best I have had. I prefer creamy soups with lots of fat and dairy but this will be great to have in the fridge and there was enough to freeze some as well.

That is all I got in the way of food ideas today, more tomorrow I am sure. I am also having some issues with figuring out exactly what my body needs to exercise without feeling like I might die afterwards. I seem to be fine during my workout (I am mostly all cardio right now), but when I finish it is like both my blood sugar and blood pressure plummet. I am weak, shaky and a little disoriented. Today I had to chug a gas station orange juice before I even got home. I didn't eat a ton today, and I know if I am gonna completely cut out carbs I need to be eating fattier meats. It seems like produce and lean protein just aren't going to cut it on the days I want to run. I imagine it will be a bit of a process and maybe I need to do a pre-workout snack or post-workout shake. It is really sort of a downer though because I would really love to just eat what I eat, exercise and be fine. I have a Drs appointment in the morning for other stuff but I am gonna mention it to him and see what he says. He'll probably tell me I'm stupid for not eating according to food pyramid, but maybe I will concern him enough to do some blood work so I can at least be sure I am not deficient in anything.
I will end today's entry with a picture of my kids lunches for tomorrow. Preparation is key when trying to eat well and I have already learned if i don't wanna send the rugrats off with Nutella sandwiches and cheese puffs I gotta do the whole lunch thing the night before.They just got to try almond butter and loved it, I like to wrap the frogs on logs (celery) in foil so it doesn't roll all around and mess itself up in their Bento boxes.

Yeah I know, rice cakes. Get off me they aren't wheat and my kids really like them. Baby steps people. As you can see, I really am, as above mentioned, a totally alternative mom. Granola even. In the outskirts, the fringes. Fightin the good fight. I'm a loner Dotty, a rebel.

Old Habits Die Hard.

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. Some people say that and they mean that they have been overweight their entire life and never been able to control it. What I mean is that I have always perceived my weight to be an issue, even when it isn't. This way of thinking has led me to starving myself, binging and purging, reckless eating and over exercising. I don't like to say I have eating disorders, because I imagine "real anorexia" looks like a tiny, frail ballerina pushing peas around a plate. "Real bulimia" is the person who eats a whole pizza and a whole pack of Oreos and a pint of ice cream and a bag of chips and then throws up and eats more. "Real reckless eating" is the already morbidly obese person who hides candy bars in their underwear drawer and shovels pounds of fast food into their mouths every day. I was not the extreme of any of these things, but have certainly fit into the category of all of them on and off throughout my life. Family and friends never knew because my weight never fluctuated enough to become noticeable. I have never in my life been "noticeably thin". I have come out later in life and honestly shared some of the struggles with people who I thought might benefit from hearing my story, but I don't consider myself to be a "recovering" anything. Maybe that is naive of me. It probably is, but I am the master of minimization and like it that way. If I wasn't as good at minimizing as I am, I am certain the weight of the world would have crushed me by now.
*This is a total downer so far, sorry. Don't give up on me yet!
I say all of that because here I am, not far removed from any of it, trying really hard to get on the right track. The track that isn't any of the above but involves caring about my health far more than what a scale says. I want the road less taken; the one that curves away from self destruction and fad diets in the name of "skinny" and into the horizon of "whole, healthy, strong". This seems like a no brainer, you just gotta change your habits! Pick the right thing instead of the wrong thing! Eat the good stuff not the bad stuff! Right? Easy peasy. SO NOT easy peasy. See my problem lies not in initially picking the right things, but when I have to compromise, or have a moment of weakness I feel like such a failure I wanna dump the whole idea because it seems easier to go back to eating the pizza and heading to the bathroom. I know DAMN well that comes with its own guilt, which may actually be worse than eating a cookie when I've sworn off cookies. It all goes back to that extremist side of me that I seem to constantly have to reign in.
So here I am, this is my 2nd full day of eating since the juice ended and I am already worried about what eating is going to do to my weight. I lost just under 10lbs juicing, which was stellar and I definitely needed it. My body looks better (which is apparent in the before and after undies picture I took that I am totally never posting!), and I feel really good. However, coming off a fast means putting a few of those pounds back on, not even in a bad way just the nature of eating anything after not eating anything. Water, fat, muscle, whatever- it is just how it goes. I have been eating REALLY well especially compared to prior to the fast. I am avoiding processed food altogether, any wheat products as well as sugar. Most of what I have eaten has been fresh produce and protein. If this change had been made a month ago I would have been SO proud of myself. And, I am, sort of. The problem is that I just keep thinking about how if I  was only juicing I would still lose more weight. Basically I am reverting back to the same old unhealthy, scale based, eating disorder based way of thinking I have always functioned in. It would be SO easy for me to use "juicing" as a way to avoid food, cleverly disguised as a healthy cleanse. I am still thinking back to the scale. I am still more concerned about being skinny than being healthy and I don't know if that will ever really go away. I want it to, but I feel like no matter how much I know, (and I know A LOT, I am REALLY smart *wink*), this thought process will forever be my baseline.
I am the girl who appreciates EVERY body type on EVERYONE other than herself. I am the mom who encourages her children to think about health and NEVER about body types. I am the wife who recognizes that her husband of 10 years really finds her drop dead gorgeous, (even naked after 2 kids *miracle*).  I am the daughter who preaches against all of this to her mom when she gets stuck in the same rut. I am the friend who reminds you that who you are is beautiful and fat days don't actually mean you are fat. I am the stranger comparing myself to you inch by inch and ALWAYS finding something to appreciate about you.
This is the story of my life, and I am working SO hard at changing my story. We ate out today at lunch and I was hard pressed to find the "right" foods for my new eating plans. So I ate a salad with balsamic, chili, (small bowl), which is not Paleo because beans are evil. I also had a gluten free coconut muffin which is not Paleo because rice flour is evil. AND beets, which are high starch and meant to be avoided except for every now and then. I AM A COMPLETE LOSER. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT. Is what I am saying to myself. Normally, at this restaurant I would have had a cream based soup (probably 2 bowls), a plate of 4+ different types of breads, a cream based high calorie dressing (because you're eating lettuce and that means you can use as much blue cheese as you want), and dessert. Clearly today I did really well. Yes, I had to bend a few rules, but at this point baby steps are a big deal, especially for such a huge lifestyle change. I KNOW that, and yet I still allow myself to feel like I have somehow failed.

This is RETARDED. I am too smart to be this DUMB. It is time to adopt POSITIVITY for, to and about me. It is time to put the scale in the motherfarking DUMPSTER. It is time to eat well and live well because I am worth it regardless of what size pants I wear. This is my new day and I may have had a million of them so far but I got a million more to go and I plan to take advantage of every single one of them.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am more valuable than rubies, made in the image of the Creator of the whole universe. I was made with purpose and destiny to do things far bigger than myself. Before I was born He knew me, every hair on my head. This life is not about how I look and one of the greatest tricks the devil has ever played is convincing me and everyone else that ANYTHING about ascetics matters to ANYONE. This world has it so backwards, and it has influenced so much of my own self worth. I will not do it anymore. I simply, will, not.
SO- Cheers to an amazing start to 2014, the ability to be honest with yourself, take care of the only body that you have the best way you know how, and share your story and struggles with others so that NO ONE is left feeling alone because THAT is what it is about. Everything used for the good.

Nina Simone, Avocado Angels and Blue Haired Zumba.

 So eating is AWESOME. Especially because after my juicing fruits and veggies are more delicious than ever. I have no desire to have anything that I know is icky for me. EXCEPT Starbucks, which I partook in today. However, you have to realize that before the juicing I literally had a Venti of whatever mocha latte syrup dolce whip sugar probably twice a week if not more, on top of whatever coffee I had at home with chemical creamer. I know I know I know- everything about that is terrible for both my health and my bank account. I don't even drink caffeine so everything I have is decaf which seems idiotic to those of you who need the caffeine but I just really enjoy the taste of creamer with a bit of coffee. So today I googled (SURPRISE!), the most Paleo version of Starbucks I could get which was nothing I wanted but I did learn that the mocha flavoring they use is the only flavor that is not in syrup form but comes from a cocoa packet which has way less additives. I also read whole milk or heavy whip cream was the way to go if I had to have it. I got a tall (which is SO tiny I used to believe only children and Santas elves would want it), and it was really good. Before I would have needed like 4 sugar packets but today it was perfectly sweet enough and the tall was a perfect serving. I really enjoyed it until about 30min afterwards when I thought my guts were gonna explode. Pretty sure it was the caffeine/milk combo disagreeing with me. I didn't get decaf because apparently the decaffeinating process involves icky chemicals. Learning this was super sad because my anxiety issues do not mix well with caffeine so I won't be having nearly as much coffee.
Other than that I have been eating all produce, some cooked some not and eggs. I ate chicken, (a very small portion), tonight and my tummy seems to be okay with it. I will say though, cooking it wasn't super appetizing and it took a few bites for me to appreciate it. Not the case with the veggies! I have never enjoyed lightly cooked veggies with a little salt and pepper so much in my life. And OH avocado! Lord have mercy those things are straight from the heavens.

So I decided that Paleo is gonna be the way I go. I cannot get down with the no meat thing. I get it if you have animal cruelty issues, but there is so much info on the benefits of eating meat, provided it is grass fed and what not. (NOTE: I am totally against animal cruelty, however I don't think raising farm animals in a HEALTHY environment in order to eat them is cruel. I don't think chickens have feelings and a family that will miss them when they are gone.) I am much more worried about the grain/gluten thing than meat. I have been researching like a fiend trying to find recipes that are kid friendly. My daughter will be an easier sell than my son. She is super carnivorous and LOVES raw veggies. My son pretty much likes pizza and cheeseburgers. I have always been good about "You eat it or you are hungry", particularly at dinner time because I swore I would never be the mom that made Kraft dinner because her kids wouldn't eat what she cooked. That to say, they are accustomed to eat it or starve and I think we will be okay. Stellar parenting skills I know.
I also ventured back to the gym today since I had energy. I took a Zumba class I hadn't taken before because normally at 10am I am in school. I will call it, "Blue Hair Zumba" in acknowledgement of the fact that myself and maybe 5 other people were under 60. I wish I had had a GoPro on my head because it was pretty epic. The instructor was older too and not as rhythmic as most of them so that was awesome. Also, the woman in front of me who I ended up talking to after class was 62 and had a better body than I do. She probably could have out-Zumbad me as well. I asked her what her secret was and she told me "Never stop moving and eat what they tell you to eat", which I found out was mostly fruit and veggies coupled with Wheaties and soy milk. Her husband eats Cheerios for cholesterol but she doesn't like them, plus Wheaties have less additives. The funny thing is that soy is horrible for you, as is wheat, and this woman is healthy as a horse. Just goes to show that no one way of eating has all the answers for every person. My Nanny lived to be almost a zillion and all she ate was meat cooked in lard, veggies cooked in bacon fat and sweet tea. She also smoked like a chimney for 20 years and never exercised. Why did she live so long but Joe down the street is dying of cancer at 40? There is no answer to this question people!! The key is to do your research, figure out what makes sense to you and what works for your body and then live it out while INFORMING others but not shoving it down throats.
Off my soapbox I go!

Day Twelve.

There has been a breach.

So I was saying yesterday my blood sugar seems to be dipping low, which is super unnerving when it happens and I couldn't really pinpoint why it was happening other than maybe I wasn't drinking enough. Last night after I posted I had to take my son to an appointment. I had a big juice about 2 hours prior and by the time I got there I had to ask his Doc if she had anything to eat because the room was a little spinny. THANKFULLY she had some grapes, which was light years better than something processed, which I would have had to accept to avoid passing out. Point being I ate some grapes. When I got home about an hour later I also drank a bit of a Bolthouse brand premade protein shake, which isn't something I wanted but I needed a quick fix to make sure all was good before bed.

I don't understand what is going on. None of it makes sense because I am juicing a ton of greens, which provide protein, as well as fruits which provide sugar- but not too many fruits because I know I don't want too much sugar. I am also not exercising because after the Iron Mountain attempt it was clear that juicing and exercise was not in my personal cards. I am hydrated, drinking tons of water as well as tea and I am also well rested. Just don't make no kinda sense and it is highly frustrating being as how I am SO CLOSE to my goal!!! I feel like I have even avoided some of the Joe Cross recipes because they are super high in sugar. BAH. All that to say I am listening to my body and if I feel like I need to eat something I will. I had my juice this morning and within an hour and a half felt badly so I cooked up two eggs and some cherry tomatoes which seemed to level things out.

I don't think it is wise of me right now to go from this straight into the Master Cleanse though. I feel confident that for whatever reason my body is responding in a way that is not conducive to hopping on the only water, lemon and syrup train directly after this. I also spent some time talking to one of my most best friends in the whole world who just happens to be studying nutrition and she informed me that her opinion of the Master Cleanse is not good. I totally respect her understanding of health so I am gonna take it all in as wisdom and not do it. She also has some really thoughtful things to say about cleansing in general, particularly in correlation to faith. She mentioned that she felt like a lot of people, who don't know Jesus, spend a huge amount of time and energy on "removing toxins", (generally nameless ones), maybe partially because they recognize a sense of uncleanliness about themselves, but neglect to recognize that no amount of lemon water or coffee enema is going to reach or cleanse it. Jesus is the one who cleans house. Jesus takes the mistakes, pain, sadness, fear etc and makes you whole, not a diet. Don't get me wrong, I am still all for a healthy fast and I am SO glad I have done this for myself to start off the year, but like everything else, there has to be BALANCE.

At the end of the day our bodies are self healing. Can that be interrupted by not taking care of them? Of course!! If you have a cut on your hand and chose not to clean it well and then allow it to continue to get dirty would you expect anything other than infection? Probably not. That same cut, cleaned and taken care of will heal because that is what your body was made to do. Your insides are no different. Yes, I have years of unhealthy eating under my belt, but that is of little significance if I chose to change NOW. My healthy choices now will not only help prevent any further sickness or deterioration but also help reverse damage that has been done. Everyday is new my friends.

So, I am not beating myself up about eating prior to the end goal of my juicing, and I am also not saying there is anything wrong with juicing for as long as you feel well doing it. I am actually proud of myself for listening to my body and responding rather than pushing through it to stubbornly reach a goal or because maybe that two more days would have been two more pounds gone. I have spent my whole life looking at pounds instead of what is actually nourishing my body, so if feels good spend a moment, (and hopefully a LOT more moments), on the other side.

PS. Just because the juicing is ending doesn't mean my blog is! I hope you continue to follow me as I share recipes, frustrations and ideas about a healthier lifestyle!