In Regards To My Blatancy.

I realize that last post was a little on the heavy side, sorry if I scared you, I can't help but be me and sometimes me is a lot. I think many people have a hard time figuring out what to do with me. Making friends hasn't come naturally to me in my adult life, which is really funny from where I am standing because myself as well as people who do know me know that I am nice to the core. Perhaps too nice sometimes. I love people, I love learning all about them (my inner Freud), I genuinely want to hear your story and process it and come back and help you pick apart things. This is of course why I am studying psychology, but it really is just what I LOVE. However, I suppose to a lot of people I probably look a little intimidating. I have a mohawk and face metal and quite a few tattoos. I am pretty into clothes and fashion so I am generally pretty well put together in my own eccentric way. I have also been told that I have a "bitch" face. 'Scuse my french but it is what it is. It is the face of "Don't talk to me", even though that is NEVER what I am thinking....well maybe sometimes but not often. I have had employers get frustrated with me because I don't look cheerful enough. Apparently my normal, taking it all in face, looks evil and scary.
I guess all of these things together leave people at a loss as to how to approach or communicate with me. I find this is especially true for people who are less "out there" than myself. You know, the blue jean, Old Navy T wearing, sports watching, Olive Garden dining kind of folks. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with any of those things, Olive Garden has the best salad ever, but that person is on the surface very different from what I am on the surface and it is those sorts of people who I assume feel the most at a loss when trying to converse with me. I feel like there is all sorts of awkward pauses and then I say something meant to be funny and they don't get it which just makes them think I am even weirder then they thought followed by more silence and then some comment about the weather. This sort of thing happens to me OFTEN. I cannot tell you how many people who become acquaintances or friends tell me later on how intimidated they were by my presence or how mean they expected me to be.
Couple ALL OF THAT with the fact that when you DO finally have a conversation with me I am transparent to a fault. I just don't have a good small talk gene I guess. I like roots. I like people stripped down to the bone so I can really see all the good and bad, and expose those things about myself as well. I feel like that is how you REALLY connect and REALLY grow both within yourself and in relationships. I don't have trust issues. Nothing about my life is a secret. Mostly. I mean, clearly there are some things, usually whatever may be a current issue, that I don't wanna verbally spew all over you because I am still figuring it out myself, but everything else IS WHAT IT IS. My truth is my testimony and as graphic and weird and frustrating and embarrassing as it may be, it is what God has used to make me who I am today and generally speaking I am pretty proud of that person.
So look, I need you to not be scared of me. I respect your trust issues and the fact that you don't want to tell me the most traumatic thing you have ever experienced during a meet and greet. I get that maybe you don't care about my story, and that is okay too, (we won't ever be really great friends and I think you should really consider what you DO care about in your relationships with people if it isn't roots), but I am not judging your disinterest. I just need you to know that I don't need to trust you to tell you all the awesome things God has shown me and done in my life because I trust God and the fact that regardless of whether or not I come off as too open or too raw or scary or whatever, he is totally gonna use all of that for SOMEONES redemption.
Myself, my metal, my tattoos and my mohawk are really very nice people. We like what we like and that may seem abnormal to you but it is to no ones benefit to assume anything about us based on a visual. I work really hard not to assume you and your artificial blonde hair and Old Navy T-shirt aren't boring and stuck up and sometimes it is really hard, so I get that the opposite is too. I am rambling now but my point is:

LESS OF THIS

MUCH MUCH MORE OF THIS

You are welcome for the most awesome visual possible by the way, I am pretty much a master graphic artist now. 

Before I go I have to share with you that my "Made From Carcass Soup" mentioned here, should actually be called "Throw In Leftovers of Any Variety and Enjoy" soup. I discovered that you can pretty much take any leftover meat or cooked veggie about to disintegrate in its Tupperware, throw it in the soup,heat it up and it becomes even more delicious than it was prior. Not only have I done this with cauliflower rice and Greek meatballs, but today I threw in leftover beef/bacon/fat awesomeness along with a baked sweet potato and it was RIDICULOUS how yummy it was. We were also blessed enough to get to pick some fresh oranges for free at a friends yesterday and they are SO good. I cannot understand why there are starving people anywhere when fruit trees produce more than any family could possibly harvest or eat. The hungry need to come to Lakeside CA with a garbage bag and collect oranges. I am for real, based on produce trees alone there is NO reason for people to not be eating. Anyhow, here is my soup in all its glory as well as the BEST WORSHIP SONG EVER. Happy Sunday!